This past week I've been consumed with how much money studying abroad this summer is costing me, and it has literally ruined my week. Even today I was thinking about how much money I'm going to have to pay for online classes next summer because I didn't get the classes I needed this morning when I registered, and it caused me to be bitter and impatient towards every person and situation I faced today. I worry about jobs, I worry about bills, I worry about loans, I worry worry worry like crazy when it comes to money.
In 17 days I will be bald and I am feeling confident and excited, but there's ones problem. I am constantly checking to see if anyone has donated, if anyone has made ME closer to MY goal. Some days I think to myself how much easier it will be to go bald on April 22 knowing that I have reached my goal of $5,000. All that is screaming is one thing...
pride.
WHY does sin ALWAYS have to creep in?
"For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs." 1 Timothy 6:10
How many times have I let issues or worries related to money ruin my day? How many times have I selfishly clung to my wallet when I was called to surrender it? How many times have I let the thought of money cause me to be bitter, stubborn, or angry to the people around me?
In this case, I have allowed money to be a source of pride.
I'm preaching to everyone that beauty is fleeting, when I myself am forgetting that EVERYTHING on this earth is fleeting.
"I tried cheering myself with wine, and embracing folly..I wanted to see what was good for people to do under the heavens during the few days of their lives. I undertook great projects: I built houses for myself and planted vineyards. I made gardens and parks and planted all kinds of fruit trees in them. I made reservoirs to water groves of flourishing trees. I brought male and female slaves and had other slaves who were born in my house. I also owned more herds and flocks them anyone in Jerusalem before me. I amassed silver and gold for myself, and the treasure of kings and provinces. I acquired male and female singers, and a harem as well- the delights of a mans heart. I became greater by far than anyone in Jerusalem before me. In all this my wisdom stayed with me. I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure...Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun." Ecclesiastes 2:3-11
Slap in the face.
How often do I forget that the things I consume myself with are fleeting and have no eternal significance?
My friend looked at me tonight and said, "Heather, I know all the people you emailed last weekend didn't donate, but is that what matters? Is it about how much money you are raising or is it about their heart being changed by seeing what you are doing?"
I'm going to be bald for months, I'm not going to have a normal hair length for years. People undoubtedly are going to ask why I don't have hair- but is it the numbers that they're going to remember at the end of the day, or is it the heart behind surrendering that they are going to remember?
"God gives some people wealth, possessions and honor, so that they lack nothing their hearts desire, but God does not grant them the ability to enjoy them, and strangers enjoy them instead." Ecc. 6:2
I could raise all the money in the world, but it still wouldn't satisfy my heart. I would only want more. That's why I am never content when my heart is consumed in things of this world. Everything on this earth is fleeting. But my God, my Savior, my Lord is far from meaningless. He created meaning. So we can either run around trying to find pleasure in things of this world, or we can stand before the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, the Creator of this universe and say "Lord, you are the only thing that will fulfill me. Give me less of me and more of you, because I want a life full of meaning."
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